Well, then I shall convert them, I am the Jehovah's coffee girl.

when i lived in washington, i drank more coffee than i seem to these days... it could have been that there was a huge abundance of starbucks locations nearby to both my home and to work... i know it seems like nashville has a ton of starbucks locations around... but here's the truth...

from my job in washington: within a 2-mile radius there were 7 starbucks stores... within a 5-mile radius, there were 22...

from my job in franklin: within a 2-mile radius there are no starbucks stores, and within a 5-mile radius, there are 7...

from my apartment in nashville: 2-mile radius - 0, 5-mile radius - 8

from my apartment in washington: 2-mile radius - 2, 5-mile radius - 8

those are just a few facts... not to mention, i passed multiple locations on my 10-15 minute commute to work in wa, and i don't pass a single location on my 20-25 minute commute to work here...

so i drank more coffee... it's not that i like it any less here, but it's not as much of a habit... i can count the number of times i've had starbucks this month on one hand... i don't know if it's just because i don't drive by locations very much at all... but it would be out of the way for me to go now... and i only go on occasion these days...

but none of this is really the point of the story... one of the reasons that i think i went to starbucks so much in vancouver was because of starbucks jason... he was my coffee guy... when i first met him, he worked at the store right down the street from my office... he was so nice and friendly... and he knew what i wanted when i went in... and he did an excellent job of making my coffee... so we got to be friends, sort-of... then he switched stores, and as it was sort-of on my way to and from work, i switched stores... i liked the feeling of knowing i could walk in and get exactly what i wanted, and see a friendly face... and most of the time if they weren't busy, he'd even come around and give me a hug... if you know anything about northwest culture, you know that doesn't happen...

and the thing about starbucks jason is that he was like that with a ton of people... one day my boss and i were chatting and i said something about "the guy that works at starbucks" and how great he was that i felt like he knew me and he always knew what i wanted... i think it was a discussion with relation to the church... and he said, "jason?" - he was friends with jason, too... and i think the best part about it was that it felt good to be known... it seemed like (and i think it's true that) jason really cared about people... that he really did care about my boss and about me... and he really loved knowing people and making them feel at ease...

at this point, i could switch and start talking about the body of christ and how encouraging and freeing it is to be around people who are not only familiar with who i am, but who really know me... a group of people who know what makes my heart beat a little faster and who would be like the believers in acts who had "all things in common" - not because they are all alike but because they share a similar passion and vision...

but this is not a discussion about the church this time...

it became apparent that starbucks jason was great at what he does... makes people feel at ease, is friendly and is obviously good enough to score repeat customers... customers who think he is great and remember his name... to this day, i still don't know starbucks jason's last name... i don't know where he grew up or what his favorite book is... i used to know a few things through random discussion... but i can't really remember... i remember what he looks like and that when he would see me, he would smile really big... maybe because it was encouraging to him to see somebody familiar... someone that he knew would be excited to see him, too...

and i missed him this week... he was brought to my mind and i missed the feeling of a familiar stranger... especially one who makes great coffee... on friday i was still housesitting and i could easily go just a bit out of the way for starbucks and even get to go through a drive-thru, which is especially helpful in starbucks runs... so i went through and had "a moment" with the guy who worked there... it was really fun... we both kind of laughed and bid each other "good days" and i thought, for a moment, "could he be my new starbucks jason?" too bad that location is not extremely convenient for my morning routine...

i think i really just want to be known... i am fully aware that starbucks jason doesn't know me... but he knew me well enough to know when he hadn't seen me in a while or that the coffee he made me was my favorite and that he added joy to my day... and that was really enough... and i hope that i can be starbucks jason to someone... and that maybe, in return, i'll find another starbucks jason soon...

words in my head...

there were a couple of different occasions this week where i heard friends say things like:

“i love the way he/she writes.”

“i wish i could write like that.”

“i don’t know how they wrote exactly what i was thinking.”

i have definitely uttered versions of these phrases if not the exact ones… i used to write a lot. now, it’s an occasional practice that seems overwhelming. i constantly have things swirling in my head. words i wish i would have said, words i wish i could take back, or words and phrases i just can’t seem to fit together to make any sense to anyone but me.

here are a few words and phrases in my head at the moment... don't worry if they don't make sense... i don't even really care if you read them... it's just a starting place for me... i'm determined to start writing again... to make sense of the jumbled up mess going on in my head... so this is just the beginning of my therapy...

"helper seeking helper"

"buddy"

"i miss my friend"

"busboys"

"home"

"circle of heads"

"lonely"

"graphic design"

"human resources"

"furniture"

"hilarious"

"cheerleader"

"closeness"

"tired"

"40 gallons of sap"

"starbucks jason"

that's all i've got for today... at some point, soon, these words might make sense... but for right now, i'm done. i'm tapping out.